Breaking News: Obama birth certificate found at Area 51

Headline AP (New York):

Barack Obama's original birth certificate was discovered Tuesday evening by a night janitor while clearing out several piles of long-discarded alien space "junk" in a remote corner of the Area 51 compound located about an hour north of Las Vegas.

"It really was surprising," noted janitor Edward Moppe, a seasoned veteran of the Area 51 cleaning staff.  "I happened across the certificate when clearing away some dusty electronics stored behind the co-pilot's seat in one of the several black helicopters stored in the sub-basement level of the facility.  When I saw it, I immediately knew how important this would be to so many Americans," said Moppe.  "So, I tucked it safely into my til foil hat, ran past the glowing pink tanks of alien bodies, past the offices of Elvis and Lee Harvey Oswald, through the collection of unmeltable [1] steel wreckage from the World Trade Center, up the stairs next to the 'AIDS and Smallpox Research, Adjustment, and Delivery' laboratory, and into the UN office for global warming affairs."

"Finally the mystery has been solved," said Moppe.  "We now know, thanks to the original birth certificate, than Barack Obama is in fact Keynesian! [2]"